I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
