I just pynch a tree in the face
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
