so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
