just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
