did you get engaged???
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
