My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
