The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
