Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
