If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
