I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
