im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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