what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
