My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
