that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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