Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
