There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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