Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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