I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
