i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
