Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
