Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
