you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
