you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
