i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
