I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
