Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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