Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize