Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
