I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
