and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
