id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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