I hate your face
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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