U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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