Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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