i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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