Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't deserve a penis
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
