DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
