omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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