I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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