Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
