please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
