will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
