he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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