On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize