I smell stomach acid.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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