Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
