I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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