I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
