i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
