Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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