We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
