Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
After last night, I could never be a politician.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
