like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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