the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
