Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
