hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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