why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
