You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
