I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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