The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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