I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
