I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
