Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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