Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize