my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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