My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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