The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
