I am in a vortex of obligation.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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