i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
