i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
