do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
the raccoons are back...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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