I just pynch a tree in the face
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
