I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
