Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
