How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
