She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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