the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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