if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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