apparently the secret to your success is patron
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
