just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
