It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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