the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
