It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
