Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
