do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
