Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
