Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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