I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We were destined to go to rehab together
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
