I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize