i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
