Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize