imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dignity is for republicans.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize