u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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