Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
