So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
