It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
