On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish you could order shots online.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
