I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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