So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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