Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Swine flu. Run for my life!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
