I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
