I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
